Hello 2011... I started you without any fireworks this year... it was strange... but all "thanks" to my fever, flu and etc... I feel like it's somehow still lingering around. I guess it's the weather... still cold and rainy. And migraine is like this ugly mess in my room that keeps popping up though I have cleaned it like a thousand times.
I spent 3 days spring cleaning my room. 3 days. I felt like a woman on a mission to straighten out another woman's life. Like after all that cleaning, I would feel different... that I would feel free... that I would feel wow... It's a big change... I like it... but... I can't help but still see and feel the mess.
I just stopped typing to clear some of my mess in the room....ok I do feel better when the clutter is out of the way. It's just reminders of unfinished business... the forever unfinished work or issues or stuff that I have to do do & do. I hate that. It's uninspiring & it sucks the life out of people. When was the last time I feel... sat down, be still & relate with the nature breathing around me.
I feel really blessed to have someone watching over me. Someone who can literally give me with the moon... placing it right outside my window. You always know how to make me smile. Thank you Jesus :)
Today I have little energy and some stuff in my heart & mind which I don't know how to figure it out Lord... I pray you'll show me...
I made a friend out of an old acquaintance... a little bit. It felt really uncomfortable & strange. Sigh. And I hate that I am feeling that way. This is so tricky & challenging. I pray you'll teach me Lord. I have longed to learn on this for a long time. It's like a part of me wants to be a good friend and another part of me is screaming. I don't know why. I already have a good friend who is in the same situation and she is precious. And I know you love her. You are love. You love people. Fullstop. It doesn't matter in any way because the hearts are yours to turn. And I am called to love.
Is that my answer?
Everyone knows what is right and wrong. Everyone. But it's the love & grace that is lacking... that will make one carry a thousand load like it's one. Without shame. Everyone (myself included) needs to know that identity in Christ enough...and repeatedly... to not be affected by what blah people say about me. I don't know what is it about people that they feel that the whole world should just get married. Otherwise you're either gay, bi, undecided or weird. In a bad way. And many times, somehow, it will all sum up to cats and old age. I love cats.
Happiness & joy is mine to define. The shape that He made me to carry in this lifetime. Perhaps I'm just not suited. Perhaps. Perhaps. Right now at this moment, I just want to enjoy... waiting at the wind that you will send from your storehouses... getting hit by your awesomeness & inspirations... and definitely improving on our relationship. Prayers...
:( I hate it when I have hurdles and stuff that is not done yet. I have so many things to do... people whom I haven't talk to a long time... emails yet to be replied... and work. I hate to just rush through all these like it doesn't mean anything. Lord help me... & also heal me Lord. My face. I am waiting and anticipating. And I pray this year will be a good year of writing & expressing~~
All in all... For now, I can only be satisfied by your presence. Thank you for everything thus far Lord... You're amazing. Very amazing.
14th Feb
Me.
~I am well kept by Him in the secret place...
~Everyday amongst or beyond, I look up...smiles...He is there.
~He carries me... even before I came to be, He carried me...played with me...spoke to me and cuddled me... whispered sacred treasures into my heart...
~"I love you and I know how you'll be...I see you and I'll keep the heart of my eyes with you. I love you and I'll be with you..." "Your name is."
~I don't shine among a crowd of strangers...but have ears and heart for the thoughts of one
~I like to shine in the world for you...but I want to hide away from it as well...
~The sum of me is lesser than the equation of this world.... But it's more than the life of Your heart...
~You marvel me Lord...your deep love marvels me.
~I love you God, Lord Jesus & Holy Spirit.
~I love you.
I appreciate this love
This world is my playground with you
Of dreams of hope and a journey
Arising and moving
To be in love with you day after day
This layout was done by nette and the Codes from kriss. Finally, I would like to introduce you to a highly talented photographer, Michal Zaleski: pbase.
