How ...I dunno... sigh. Lol. What a mixed feeling. Now plugged into music...I guess should be better. I need solace and this place is not... I'm grateful... I hope...it's like I have to...instead of really... why do I have to force myself & push it... follow or not follow how I feel? I don't get it.
Holy Spirit, what do you say? Or should I just be quiet. You want me to be real definitely... who wants a child who grows up pretending...and pretending... I've been trying hard... or so I was told... I guess I am... in ways of no peace... like pressing in as they say... so did I get it wrong...? Rest. I guess I still haven't get rest...how to rest. Help me Lord...
Help me to experience more & more of your love...
Like you promise
Stir the stagnant waters of my soul Merge me in Your river which brings life I don't have all the right words to say That would provoke you to want me Anymore than you already do...
Won't you come, come like you promise... Pour out your spirit, pour out your spirit...
You love like a Father, You love like a Brother, You love like a Lion, Fierce like no other... You violently chase me, Down to embrace me, Engulf me in who you are...
Overcome the darkness of my night Jesus be the strength of my life Reaching past my hiding Reach me on my running O Lord, Come flood my soul with you love...
Won't you open up the heavens over your people... Don't hold back, pour it out, pour it out...
Lord, let me rest in the works...your works that I do not see. I don't know how to be... Come as I am... Come as you are... I accept you when you're whining, when you're angry, when you're complaining, when you're tired, when you can't think right, when you are wrong, when you are right, when you have nothing, when you have everything, when you think you are poor, when you think you are righteous, when you think you are filthy, when you are rich, when you have needs, when you need nothing... I embrace, everyday, everything, you in every way, nevertheless, never-the-less but always more, more, more to give am I. More and abundance I am. That is why I am, the Great I Am. I have more than you can imagine...more than your little mind can conceive... it's more than what one can stomach. More, more, more I AM.
You have so much more to give me... and I have not understand nor conceive it yet... You used to be really foreign to me Lord...I mean... the Real you whom I have never come to know before... I saw you as the task master, Mr Perfect who is trying to beat me into perfection...like Israelites under the Egyptian rule... I saw you as the fierce Father, the person who only love me when I am good & perfect... how tiring that was. If had to be perfect all the time to win my salvation, then Jesus...I guess we won't need your death at all.... it has been in vain. Or...not needed. Cos we still need to work for your love & approval. That was what I used to think... boy was I wrong.
And till now, I'm still trying to know you. Understand who you are...who you really really are. For so long I have looked at the wrong picture and called him my father... I'm sorry Papa God. I pray you'll help me see your goodness, love, grace, your glory & all that you are and what they all mean in my heart... cos I don't get it...yet. More of who you are Papa God. More love...more love...more and more and more and more of your perfect love... so everything will come easy... in rest. In great rest...
Help me Lord to get it and get there... now this life here...in this foreign land, it's foreign...strange...repetitive...and still wondering when am I moving on to the next stage in life. I wish I could dance. In contemporary movement that works...for me.
I dunno what else to say cos you know... I'm repeating myself... house, river, travel, gospel, Holy Spirit, You, Him, study, time, dance, create, give, present the works... over & over.
14th Feb
Me.
~I am well kept by Him in the secret place...
~Everyday amongst or beyond, I look up...smiles...He is there.
~He carries me... even before I came to be, He carried me...played with me...spoke to me and cuddled me... whispered sacred treasures into my heart...
~"I love you and I know how you'll be...I see you and I'll keep the heart of my eyes with you. I love you and I'll be with you..." "Your name is."
~I don't shine among a crowd of strangers...but have ears and heart for the thoughts of one
~I like to shine in the world for you...but I want to hide away from it as well...
~The sum of me is lesser than the equation of this world.... But it's more than the life of Your heart...
~You marvel me Lord...your deep love marvels me.
~I love you God, Lord Jesus & Holy Spirit.
~I love you.
I appreciate this love
This world is my playground with you
Of dreams of hope and a journey
Arising and moving
To be in love with you day after day
This layout was done by nette and the Codes from kriss. Finally, I would like to introduce you to a highly talented photographer, Michal Zaleski: pbase.
